The local rape and abuse crisis center will be happy to help them. Without that education, they can be manipulated easily and unwittingly collude with the abuser. Judges and lawyers who work in family law should be required to be educated about abuse and the dynamics of abusers. I was a Secret Service Agent, a senior business executive, and an organizational consultant. Some of you think you don’t need to learn. The ignorant bear some measure of responsibility for what happen to women and children. I call on policemen, lawyers, and judges to learn about abuse and the dynamics of abusive men. Many judges remain ignorant of the dynamics of abuse and, as a result, make unjust decisions. Many police officers look the other way many lawyers enable abusive men or abuse others themselves. Men own the issue of abuse of women and children: men do the vast majority of abusive actions, men model for boys at home, at school, at work, and on the athletic fields. Abusers of every stripe exude entitlement and selfishness. Abusers want power and control over others. Abusive men use their creativity for negative purposes, to control and inflict pain–they hurt others. They don’t live their crafted image of goodness. Many work hard to create a public image of success, citizenship, and community involvement. Many abusive men have good jobs-even leadership positions. She answered, “Empathy.” None of the abusers can feel for themselves what they do to others. I asked a counselor what one thing she would change in the make-up of the abusers of all types if she could. I find it difficult to think of such men as anything but evil as they do such anti-human things to others. He not only robbed the young children of their innocence, he made them out to be liars and robbed them of their voices. I loathed the young minister as he described proudly how he manipulated and abused children and talked his way out of trouble over and over again. I thought of the almost daily news stories of rape and murder of young women by soul-dead men. I felt revulsion as I watched the bestial man degrade and violate a young woman who will live the horror of him for a lifetime. I watched another video of a simulated rape. What went wrong inside of a father to be able to violate his child’s trust in such a depraved way? I felt disgust as I watched a video simulation of a father who manipulated his young daughter to have sex with him and called it love. I feel contempt for men who abuse women in any way. What went wrong with so many men? My father treated my mother with great respect. I felt outraged at the men who do such things. I felt sadness and sorrow for the women and children abused by men.

I admired their courage and appreciated the gift of their experiences. Then her 12-year-old daughter spoke about how a foster child had sexually assaulted her when she was three years old. As I listened to the monstrous things men do to women and children, I felt ashamed to be a man.Ī woman described how her father sexually abused her from age 9-15. Speakers taught us about incest stalking cyber-sex date rape pedophilia emotional, physical, and sexual abuse and the many difficulties victims face with themselves, within families, in the legal system, and in our society, which often prefers to deny such horrible things. The training sessions were emotionally difficult for me.

Approximately 20 people made the big commitment and will volunteer as advocates who take crisis calls during off hours, court watchers who keep track of cases in the legal system, and public speakers. The schedule was grueling: two evenings a week for a month and two Saturdays.

We will volunteer our time and speak to groups about emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. Melanie, my wife, and I recently completed 48 hours of training at the local rape and abuse crisis center. I would like abusers to imagine the pain and anguish they inflict and feel even one-tenth of that for themselves. This is the third of several pieces I wrote over the past decade about abuse. I wondered how, in the first video, did the NFL and the Baltimore Ravens think she became unconscious and unresponsive? 8, 2014) the Ravens fired Ray Rice and the NFL placed him on indefinite suspension after a new video showed Rice punching and knocking out his girlfriend moments before he dragged her unconscious body out of the elevator. Baltimore Ravens football star, Ray Rice, was recently suspended by the NFL for two games after a video showed him dragging his unconscious girl friend (now his wife) out of an Atlantic City hotel elevator.

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